Recovering – offline

I started this blogging journey in July 2015, when my baby wasn’t even a year old. I had let “all the things” overwhelm me: trying to be a good mom, wife, employee, friend.

It was too much, and I remember the night I broke down upset, in tears. My husband told me I was in charge of the choices I made. I could choose to work hours upon hours every day keeping our home nearly spotless and feeling guilty about never being enough in any area of my life, or I could say “screw it” instead. I could make other choices.

I named my blog after a story of a woman who found purpose in serving. I still find my purpose in doing (ain’t no shame in how God designed me!), and I still struggle with my faith. I am always bothered that I can’t reach a place of perfection, but my two boys and closest friends continue to remind me that God didn’t design me to “do” all the time. That sometimes it’s ok to just “be” and live right where I am. Easier for many of you, but awful hard for me.

I find when I have a lot to think on and want to be left alone, I process it best by writing. And that’s what the last three years have been for me on this blog. A whopping 75 posts later (surprised me too), I feel like I’ve hit a place of quiet. Instead of needing to write it all down, I’ve been in my own head, or talking it out loud with others. Or just “being,” enjoying “hot chocolate” mornings with my lil guy (it’s really a front to get marshmallows) and late night deck conversations with my handsome hubby.

One wonderfully surprising aspect of writing this blog was the conversation starters it brought with co-workers, friends, and acquaintances. I’m forever grateful for these conversations that just got to the “meat of it” without so much lead-up conversation. I’m continually striving to push past the minor to get to the meaningful. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have to wait to talk til I’m ready to write again. Ask me what I’m wrestling with the next time you see me, and I’ll ask you the same. Let’s recover together.

I don’t know if I’ll come back to writing. But for now, I’m perfectly fine with where I’m at. Being a mom, wife, employee, and friend – flaws included. And continually recovering.

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